Meshka's Flow

DEAR CANCER: FUCK YOU

This wasn’t the plan; it just wasn’t fair.

A phone call, a name, a cancer so rare.

I couldn’t speak, breathe, or even stand.

I hung up and watched the world slip from my hand.

I watched as my world as it fell apart.

I had nothing left but a shattered, dark heart.

You were so young, your life had just begun,

With so much to give, and a race left to run.

You had barely begun to live your life yet, so carefree and wild.

I screamed to the sky, “How could you give this battle to an innocent child?”

You are tenth on the list of Aunt Shell’s greatest things.

 My niece, my best friend, all the joy that you bring.

Attached at the hip, my little “ride or die,”

You stayed by my side; you never said goodbye.

Then came the doctors with the “ifs” and the “whats.”

Please give us a moment, knots formed in our guts.

“This form is so rare, we’ve never seen it before.

We’ll make a few calls, we’ll try and learn more.”

As the treatments dragged on and the weeks turned to years.

I questioned God through my valley of tears.

Then came the news we all waited to hear,

Gather the family, everyone come near.

The scans are all clear, no cancer in sight,

My homie, my best friend, had won her great fight.

That joy was a shadow, the happiness cut short.

Remission is over. Here we go, back in cancer’s cold court.

We do not know what’s next; let us make a few calls.

Nothing but silence echoed through the halls.

As the treatment continued and time went on,

I questioned the doctors and even God.

The day finally came, that one we all feared.

The words we wish no one would ever hear.

The Rhabdo has won; there is nothing left that we could do.

What happened is done; no more tests to be run.

“Just take her home and let her have all the fun.”

The days drifted by, and the cancer got worse.

All we were told is it’s par for the course

The pain was too heavy, too much for her soul.

Aunt Shell was selfish. I wanted you whole.

I didn’t want you to leave. I knew you were tired,

Tired of the fight this illness required.

The worst day had arrived; I had to say my goodbyes.

I had to watch them take you as the tears filled my eyes.

My life was now empty, painful, and bare.

How could you take her? How could you dare?

The hole left in my heart is now a massive dark space.

How do I go on? How do I even find a little grace?

After years spent just trying to feel somewhat whole,

Just digging through the grief and shards of my soul.

I have finally found it; the answer is true.

A realization.

DEAR CANCER: FUCK YOU.

Dedicated to my little broke best friend,

Kalyn Sophia Fairres

12/10/14-9/23/17